Monday, September 16th, 2013 at 8:20 pm
4. drake’s reeeeeeally looking forward to his next high school reunion
#HUMBLEBRAGALERT: then he was like,
my classmates, they went on to be chartered accountants
or work for they parents
but thinkin’ back on how they treated me,
my high school reunion might be worth an appearance
if one thing’s clear it’s that drake went to a prep school full of well-to-do children. but it wasn’t all ice cream and acting coaches while he was there. oh no. aubrey was a victim of bullying, if memory serves him. =(
i guess that’s not SO far-fetched considering he was on a teeny bopper show that aired frequently doing emmy-award-winning sh*t like this…
that can’t be very cool in high school, no matter how middle-class-middle-complexion-middle-of-the-road you are. who hasn’t had some tough moments in the locker room when that towel snap stings right to your heart. or that girl you asked to prom kept giving eyes to Mr. Star Point Guard when you just bought the boutonniere with lavender lilacs that complemented her blush so well. it’s like she doesn’t even care that you’d pay that much attention and sh*t and she’s already #ontothenext but you see her soul anyway and you know it’s pure so you just silently brood every time she does that little eyelid-flicker thing to him. plus one day you’ll be famous.
wait. i’m wrong. we don’t all have drake’s problems. but we have all felt awkward at 17 and wanted a comeuppance. coach calano didn’t have to fail me from phys. ed when the worst thing i ever did to him was not show up. (poor form, my man.) but what makes the Young Drizzler different is that it seems like he’s planning that moment to make goddamn sure anyone who mocked him regrets it. he’s got a boner for it. he’s absolutely gonna act like he doesn’t remember the names of people who appear 74 times in his diary, people who signed his yearbook. so they know. they knooooow, they knooooow, they know.
and yea, he might write another song about it. so just watch out Forest Hill Collegiate Class of 2005.