Combat Jack: If Rap Were Cartoons, Vol. 1

I love Hip Hop. I love cartoons. Both artforms have characters with colorful names. The stories told are hyper-exaggerated. And as much as cats spit that keeping it real, thug life, gun sling talk, both always keeps it coming with the comedy. What would the rap landscape look like if Rap were cartoons?

Jay-Z Is Bugs Bunny: Iceberg Slim always stays being the coolest cat. With the slick talk, sarcasm, wit, and always coming out looking like he outsmarted his fellow rap thespians, Jay-Z, like his furry cartoon counter-part, always comes out on top.

Fun fact: Did you know that Jay-Z, before the platinum status, penned actual rap lyrics for Bugs Bunny on that Space Jams Soundtrack? That’s what’s up doc.

Diddy Is Mickey Mouse – Whose more lovable than Diddy? Kids, moms, aunts and uncles around the world just love them some Puff Daddy. From making dangerous rap to shootouts to becoming the most recognizable face in Hip Hop, Puff continues to amaze us with his Bad Boy life, making everyday look like a trip to Disney Land. And just like when Mickey says “hey boys and girls”, whenever Puff says “It’s that dirty money” you just feel safe and giggly.

50 Cent Is Yosemite Sam – Wtf was Sam’s effin problem, what with him always tryna blast on fools? I dunno either, but every since Curtis Jackson came back from the dead with them nine hot ones in his ass, [||], he’s been on that same gun talk shit. Four albums worth. No jokes and smiles here kids, when Fif is in town, you varmints best to scadoodle!

Cam’ron Is Pink Panther – I know ya’ll seen this one coming. For all the obvious reasons.

Nas Is Charlie Brown – Nasir Jones, like Charles, has been around for a very long time. They both share a  rich jazz background. And like Charlie, no matter how much he stays being one of our favorites, one of the best, Nas, just like Charlie Brown, always stays losing.

Lil Wayne Is Daffy Duck –  I still don’t get what all the Wayne hoopla is all about, I just know that all that syrup sippin is guaranteed to make anyone daffy with that sufferin succotash.

Rick Ross Is Winnie The Pooh Rick Ross the Bawss seems to keep getting better on the mike, spinning realistic tales of the drug kingpin life. Big and dangerous like a bear, but just like Winnie, fans love Ross for being just as soft and squeezable as our favorite of cartoon honey dippers.

I can keep going, but as we can see, it’s a small rap world after all.