Three of my favorite rap stars are being featured in Time Out New York for being uber stylish. KanYe West protege Kid Cudi as well as Himanshu Suri and Victor ‘Dave’ Vasquez from Das Racist are getting the royal treatment from TONY. Top tier photogs and media exposure are what you might imagine will find you the moment you make your MySpace demos but Cudi, ‘Dave’ and Heems just happen to be the micro-percentage of rappers who have placed tracks on the internets that anyone gives a fux about. Their meteoric rise means that no one will be listening to your music. Evar. Sorry to be that angel of death to your dreams.

I mean, you shouldn’t really give a fux what someone like me has to say about your music career, especially since I haven’t heard any of your music. It might prA’li actually be really, really good too, but I’m totally oversaturated with rap music. Unless you can create some rap content that starts a new genre. No one is making organic produce rap right now although I prA’li wouldn’t want to listen to that crap, but you get my point right?

With Kid Cudi, ‘Dave’ and Heems sucking all the oxygen out of the rap music atmosphere I think its time for a lot of MCs to get familiar with another letter of the alphabet – B. As in Plan B, and I’m not talking about birth control pills either unless you plan on supplementing your income with the sale of those pharmaceutical items (natch). I mean, since when has being a rap star been a smart career choice? The average life expectancy of a rapper is below that of a Washington Heights livery cab driver. How many rappers have you seen retire? One, but he had to get back into the game because his lady uses more linear feet of yaki weave than Janet Jackson.

There’s nothing good that is going to come out of your plans to make rap music. Who the hell is gonna buy it? No one, unless you get Taylor Swift on the hooks, or Lady Gaga. Maybe you will bring Biker shorts rap back? I think Heavy D has that lane on smash still but maybe you can shoot your shot in that direction [ll]. I just don’t see how you plan on coming into an industry that is waist deep in a recession. On the average, rappers make less money per annum than someone putting in full time hours at McDonald’s. Unless you get lucky enough to get a job rapping about McDonald’s, but even still my homey Wordspit better make sure his 1099 gets filed properly if he doesn’t want to end up working the fries.

My advice for you is to go to school for a trade like being an electrician so that you can help all these producers and sound engineers wire their studios where these failing rappers will records their MySpace demos. Do you REALLY want to be a rap star?

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 11th, 2010 at 10:18 am and is filed under Art, comedy, Features. Tags: Das Racist, Diddy, economy, Heavy D, Kanye West, Kid Cudi, rap