Dallas Penn: Young Money’s Rapping Robot…

I always think about that classic Ridley Scott movie ‘Alien’ and the robot that was chilling with the crew the whole time in an effort to bring the alien back to Earth. The robot seemed nice and was a good enough fellow until the situation (no Jersey Shore) got thick[ll]. But at the end of the day he was a fuxing robot and his job was to bring an end to humanity. You do understand that is the destiny that robots will eventually manifest? Anyhoo…

Drake is the most popular rapper since LL Cool J among people that I know who could give less than a fux about rap music. That is some kind of marketing machine if you think about it. He’s a common fixture at high profile sporting events and in primetime sody pop commercials. Drake is about to get Will Smith checks and he hasn’t even released an album. This is why he HAS to be a robot. How else can he plug in to the matrix so thoroughly?

Drake was certainly a large part of Lil’ Wayne’s ascension into the pop music stratosphere for the work he did for him in punching up ‘The Carter 8’ or whatever that mixtape was called that Wayne released two years ago. But even Wayne doesn’t have the lyrical dexterity of a robot since he is simply just a martian (albeit, one wearing Space Jam Jordans). Drake’s robotic voice modulation systems allow for him to inject the southern drawl into his flow while still enunciating clearly and concisely.

You know the robot that you can program your voicemail to sound like? That will be the next stream of income for Drake to come up on. Robots will run this rap shit soon, then the world, then humanity will be under their grip. Please don’t sleep on robots. They killed the dinosaurs.