A hurricane hit the Louisiana Legislature this week and it’s name is Hurricane Chris. The “rap phenomenon” (bites tongue until profusely bleeding) was invited as a guest of honor to perform his ‘song’ “Halle Berry” in front of some of the oldest white people I’ve seen outside of Boca. The man who penned the song “Ay Bay Bay” was introduced to the Louisiana House Chamber as “a young man that’s doing great things throughout the country” by his godmother who cites the number of teenagers in the state that are lacking motivation. A member of the House Chamber goes on to “commend” Chris for the honor he brought to Louisiana for his “musical accomplishments.” Following this heartfelt introduction, Chris explains that his song “Halle Berry” was meant to inspire women that don’t feel they are as attractive (or “fine”) as the actress. Chris proceeds to deliver his ‘inspirational’ lyrics over his actual single which works to minimize the volume of his voice. Chris truly makes an impression on the senior-aged audience by reciting such gems as
“She fine den a bitch, ass and her tits
Thick in tha hips every nig want her
Call her Halle Berry, Halle berry.”
Following his grand performance Chris exits the podium to applause as one House member comments “I don’t think Chris is related to the tsunami we’ve been talking about earlier” (with wit like that I don’t see how this man hasn’t elevated himself to a House of Representatives member). The saga concludes with one House members asking Chris if he would mind naming a song after House member Barbara Norton because she’s “fine,” which is just awkward. My only question is where was Weezy during all of this?