Bey-Z rises from the rubble unscathed. Amber Rose pulls a J-Lo with her almost-not-a-dress. Nicki pulls her dress together by seams. RiFF RaFF, Katy Perry and Taylor Swift play their positions clumsily and look really and truly not cool bruh. Check the pics and videos after the jump.

to-the-left

8. Amber Rose As J Lo

Tarzan's Jane

Amber Rose wore this.

7. Again, Amber Rose, People. Give It Up For Her.

Everyone stop please

Also, this is what she wore that night.

6. RiFF RaFF & Katy Perry

riff raff perry They maybe wanted to make a statement about the tone-deaf early 2000s, full of ghetto crossover culture and country hip-hop mish-mashing. What they ended up doing was playing the cot damn fool on the red carpet in a denim tornado. Seriously, were we all worried that these signifiers like jewels and bandanas and other outer stuff could -- somehow, some way -- replace what was real? These two look like an ad for Soulja Boy's walk-in closet. Doubt they can "steal hip hop" more than it's already been bought and sold.

5. Nicki Minaj Dressed

Cake Pops

All gajillion people who watch YouTube were pretty excited to see Nicki perform her smash "Anaconda" and abuse the Trini wine, twerk her thighs clean off and potentially awaken the sexuality of tweens everywhere. So she did. But THEN...

4. Nicki Minaj Undressed

It's A Celebration!

...some clothes weren't functioning as planned after a routine change. They started malfunctioning, those clothes, and all of a sudden Nicki's nearly as nude as she has ever been right before our eyes. Had me like...

3. Drake Going Home

Drake won Best Video for this, which is one of the cheesiest works he's ever done. Glad he's receiving this cherished honor for watching Miami Vice and Scarface a minimum of two times before making his masterpiece. "Going Home" is a radio stand-out in the right season, but its visual counterpart was mild and even a little embarrassing to watch as his crew homeys get constant shine in roles they struggle with. The VMA seals it in a time capsule so it won't be seen much more again at least.

2. What Divorce Rumors?

This Roc(k)!

Uhhh, what divorce? What elevator? WHAT IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT?

We Look So Happy 2Gether!!

Smooch

So Alicia Keys. So Unbreakable. The kiss that swallowed a thousand DVRs.

1. Baby Flawless

When Blue Ivy did this...it set off a wave of... OMG ADORBZ! ADORBATHON! CUUUUUTE! BABY BEY! PRINCESS BLUE! I CAN'T! I CAN'T EVEN! And other such captions...