The Circle Of Bosses

 |  March 10, 2011
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I officially present the circle of bosses.  Everyone kind of got the bullet point treatment except for Cee-Lo for some reason.  But I’m on that rouge blogging tip, and like to throw the writing rules right out the window.  This isn’t an order, and in case you’re slow it’s meant to be funny more than anything else.  If you take this seriously you are missing the point….Boss!

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Rick Ross

It’s well documented that Rick Ross is one of the most profound bosses in the game.

- Hangs out in private jets eating buttered asparagus before showing off his personalized “Boss” Louis Stewart Bags.

Orders grape swishers by the box.

- Reps that “boobie gang” heavy.  Establishes his snacking dominance in viral videos.  If you are a plate of four layer dip, Rick Ross will f*ck you up!

- Gets failing major corporations to legitimize his roster of tax write offs.

- Has a high end designer manager named Gucci Pucci.

- Came out on top of a beef with 50 Cent.  Impressive considering he was also exposed for being a correctional officer.

- Has above the year grunt swag.

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Cee-Lo

This guy is a boss on the low.  He may not make nifty viral videos of himself stunting.  But I guarantee you that right now this guy is probably chilling in some sort of pimp purple suit, drinking mascato, and getting boy band a$$.  If you remember he had such a sick video for “Bodies” that Karl Lagerfeld and H&M had to get down with the movement.  Did I mention that the whole song is a metaphor for murdering the p*ssy?  He just makes the competition look basic.  Dude is also about 35 and a grandfather (as revealed to Chelsea Lately).  That’s how you spread the seed!  Just gotta get little Cee-Lo’s running around multiple generations style.  Only way to establish your world domination.  This guy blew up with Goodie Mob, killed it on the low with his solo debut, The Soul Machine on LaFace, blew up commercially with Gnarls Barkley, and recently dropped a dope neo-soul album, The Lady Killer, that was very successful due to the hit single “F*ck You“.  Short fat sex symbols are boss.  I don’t care who you are or what you say.  This man is more important than you.

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Jay-Z

This is easy.

-Rumors of being part of the Illuminati.  You’re not a boss unless people think you are part of an evil secret society.  Being A Boss 101 really.

-Gotta top that Forbes list.  If you aren’t paying more in taxes than what the competition is straight out earning you are pretty much hustling backwards.  Well played Hov.

-Mediterranean Yacht trips.  No big deal.  B needs to relax.

-Regularly stink fingering Beyonce on said retreats.  Has the hottest girl in the game wearing his chain.

-Hangs out with Warren Buffet.

-More importantly Hov does things like break bread with Mayor Bloomberg and a Russian oligarch.  I’m pretty sure Russian oligarchs have personal militias and sh*t which ironically may be the true indicator of a boss.

-Gucci gave him his own jacket.  Birdman is somewhere crying right now because he can’t get a call back from Gucci.  Probably wore it once and then gave it to Bleek to exclusively smoke blunts in.

-Doesn’t hang out with rappers.  Hangs out with Gwyneth Paltrow and the guy from Coldplay.  Rappers like to pretend that they are bigger than being a rapper.  Hov actually is.

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Birdman

Mainly just a list of material things that validate Birdman as a boss.

-His 1.5 million dollar Maybach

-His 2 Million dollar Bugatti

-His 1.5 Million dollar watch

-His 900-Karat Diamond chain

-Birdman hits the Gucci store…Drops $210,000

-He also hangs out on yachts like Hov, but has model chicks dressed up in matching outfits and brings his own photagrapher.

-Kisses Lil Wayne, wins anyway.

-Has super sweet gang oriented head tattoos, even though he isn’t really in the gang.

-Starts fake oil companies and pretends to buy sports teams to throw off “haters”.

-Keeps all the money to himself.

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Lyor Cohen

-The man behind the scenes that really made Def Jam.  Probably the most important hip-hop label off all time.

-Currently pimping the stockholders of Warner Music Group.  Real bosses make money no matter what.  However, I really think he is trying to build Warner’s roster right now so he can get some hype and sell the music group (Goldman Sachs is already trying to sell the outlet).  People don’t remember that Def Jam’s financial situation was also once f*c ked.

-Responsible for building some of the most important brands in hip-hop.  He signs or has signed  the checks of some of the “boss” rappers on this list (not sure if he actually signed the checks, but you get my point).

-Sonned Drake.

-Is known for flipping off the camera.

-Feared by rappers.

-Banging out fashion designer Tory Birch.  Real bosses date hot entrepreneurial independently wealthy women.

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Trey Songz

-His nickname, Trigger Trey, is a reference to finger banging.

-You can literally hear the panties getting wet at his shows.

-He paid his dues.  Half the reason I even know who he is has to due with the fact he was the R&B hook guy rappers all used for awhile.  Not even the singles necessarily, but for album cuts.  Then he just came out of no where to diss R. Kelly’s creepy wave and dominate the R&B game.

-Pretty much proffesionally rocks v-necks and bangs hot chicks.

-Made that “I Invented Sex” song.  Not a lot of people would have to balls to do that.  Plus that video was awesome.  If you aren’t making videos with simulated sex in it, what are you really doing as an artist?

  • yahh bitch

    lol

  • Jmauldadon

    this has to be the stupidest shit i seen

  • 520SQK850COB

    None of these fools bosses, shout out to the REAL Circle Of Bosses.

    C.O.B. sut sut

  • Steeloking

    this is the most retarded shit I ever saw