i’m going on the record right now as not hating drake’s new album Nothing Was The Same. on first listen, dead serious i fell asleep. but i think that had more to do with the fact that i hadn’t prepared myself to listen to an r&b album and those joints do a brother like warm cocoa on a wintry night. aubrey’s playlist has a similar effect and shouldn’t be consumed while operating machinery heavier than an iPhone or a calculator.

to his credit though, every 8th bar or so he’s making it rap-worthy by including either a veiled threat or a bloated boast about his stack$$$ and his #sexgamebananas. that captures the essence of Millennial Rap, according to magazines and the twitters, so he’s clearly on to something. the depth of field is somewhat limited but no more or less predictably than we’ve come to expect from a former child star turned Rapper Slash Pitchy RnB Singer.
generally, i don’t find drake to be a relatable human being because i think his experiences are uniquely troubling and soaking with resentment. but, every ex-girlfriend or two, i get that Bitter Barry feeling of wanting to blame a chick for whatever she did wrong and attribute the failure of our relationship to her not being ready for my rise to fame, or not appreciating how much G I laid down, or similarly drake-ish feelings of unbroached inadequacy.
this album is filled with those pointed digs at exes. although, in a classic drake-ism, he only names the non-celebrity ones to guarantee they never have any chance at normal lives and have to battle through self-esteem issues like he does every day. can you imagine some of the text messages Courtney from Hooters on Peachtree is getting from her current husband and all of her friends? it’s the work of a maniac genius who makes up for whatever he lacks in music skills with a level of sociopathy unseen in mere mortals.
but all those hurt feeling and crumpled tissues do make for some eeeeeeaaasy listening on a sunday afternoon. below are the Top 5 Sadness bombs Young Drizzler dropped on us with his latest work. prepare for them to spam a status update near you.

  • XinCity

    #4 is the wack. Talking to your self is a bad thing no matter who does it!

  • pusha

    Agreed! Too much self love there, it’s like seeing your own porn and having a b0n3r watching yourself.

  • Shame

    You know, gotta love Drake for all this sh*t. teehee.

  • Wight

    Normally? I wouldn’t bash the music. But WTF is that Wu Tang Forever sh8t?

  • Virus

    I know what you mean! He may say it’s a tribute, but it’s an insult.

  • replenish

    This album: Nothing Was NOT Lame

  • Wronguns

    I guess Wu Tang Forever reminds me of Power Trip, J Cole.

  • toughlove

    I really really can’t forgive Drake for bastardizing Wu Tang Clan here.

  • Belong

    Am surprised you didn’t include the homoerotic line “Always rolling with my mothafuckin’ boys”

  • gander

    Who even listens to Drake anymore?