To the left, to the left. Sending off Hov in a yacht to the left. According to TMZ
and about 10,000 sweaty fans, Beyoncé modified the lyrics to her song "Resentment" to call out Jay Z for cheating. This is the moment thirst vacuums and Hov haters have been waiting for: the divorce that makes Beyoncé single again. But all you 9-to-5ers and basic hood vendors can say goodbye to the dream that never was. Bey ain't marrying you. We came up with a list of chaps she might give a second glance once Team Yonce and handlers review. Hit the jump and click through.
7. Across The Pond
Maybe waking up to Hov's laugh lines and crow's feet every morning isn't every woman's dream. Maybe that doughy goo of the man we call rap royalty isn't as cool when he's doing regular stuff like mashing baby food or battling cigar breath. Bey and Idris have a history as co-stars in box office dud Obsessed
and, as everyone knows, on-set romances can lead to real affairs in a heartbeat. Plus, with a running campaign to make him the next James Bond, there's a chance he could up his profile enough to be on par with the Queen Bey.
6. Put A Ring On It
Something tells me if Leo had the right one in his life, he'd stop all the flirting and sleeping with a new supermodel every night. He just needs that one megastar, pop smash, hip gyrating, high maintenance super wife to apply the brake pads. Well guess who may have just entered the market for single multimillionaire celebrities? And she's not even a Kardashian! The jury is out on whether Bey is down for The Swirl, but rules are made to be broken when power couples takeover. What's better, Bey-O or Le-oncé? The combinations are endless.
5. Green With Envy
Yo Hov you gon let money kiss up on ya girl like that? Word? I know it's a video but damn lips is brushin, Eskimo kisses nudgin...that's deep, B. The whole cast and crew is quiet as dude creates a magic moment with your wife.
Ealy is just famous enough and just light-skinted enough to make this a fit. Yes, he's married but this is Hollywood, and when Bey's on the market, you call up your agent and let Abe know that you're single as far as she's concerned. He's a shade off Swirl territory but has green eyes so we'll swoon at the prospect of Beyoncé creating more offspring to advance the cause of the Lighter Brotha, so long in need of a come-up. If he marries her that's also full license to remove Barbershop 2
from his imdb page.
4. Sorta Like Sam Rothstein
Jay Z drew Robert Deniro's ire
when, after many tries, he didn't return the actor's calls. Deniro, who has been the subject of Jay's admiration and lyrics for a while, made it known that he found the young tycoon to be "rude" and even confronted him in public at a posh restaurant. While this sounds like a coded way of Bobby D. implying that Jay had gotten uppity with him (and how DARE he!
), it might also be fuel for one of the greatest celebrity feuds ever. Add to the mix that Deniro, since my mom and auntie were fans back in the day, has a thing for chocolate and proudly struts around with Negresses. Yea that's his wife, Grace Hightower, pictured above. What better way to get back at that slick-talking rapper than to snatch his wife from under his nose and add another ebony trophy to his case?
3. World Cup Fever
It's possible that he could smash. That's all we can base this entry on... There are the obvious pristine looks, and the fact that Ronaldo is a world-class athlete as well as one of the highest-paid footballers in the world. But ball-kicking money ain't mogul money, so if Bey approved it would only be on the premise that Ronaldo could smash anything, anywhere. Seriously compare Ronaldo's GQ
cover up there to Jay Z's GQ
below and tell me that a single
Beyoncé is choosing ol' mean mug over The Picture Of Dorian Gray. C'mon son. And no I won't pause that, the man is beautiful and that's why his life is better. You pause it if you're so uncomfortable, damn.
2. The Presidential Suite
The French press went into an uproar
when Barack and Bey exchanged some lusty looks at his inauguration. But really, if you wanna know the whole truth about their connection, lost somewhere in those deep pools of eye water, check Sasha's definite shade at Beyoncé in this photo. She like 'Psssh look at Daddy tryna act smooth...and WHY SHE KEEP GRINNING SO HARD?' I hear the sound of Michelle typing a cease-and-desist letter so I'll chill but...what is
B smiling at though? Barack fulfills so many of the Bey-Hive criteria: leader of the free world, level-headed, somewhat rich, very connected, satisfies Daddy complex. He and Jay are around the same age give or take a pair of high-wasted jeans and a love handle. Based on reports, she'd never have to worry about him cheating, he respects his wife and her input, and he's got a smooth jumpshot. Everyone's a winner here.
1. Life Is Good
You know what's real? It is impossible to find a picture of Nas and Beyoncé together on Google images. As in, there exists no photo in Google's search index that comes up when you search their names together. Don't for a second think that Jay Z doesn't have his hand in that. Beyoncé is in one of Nas's videos
, so that makes no sense. Not even a screenshot?
This would be the ultimate victory in a war of masterminds. Nas takes the final crushing jab at Jay Z's withering heart. Beyoncé exacts revenge on her philandering husband by uniting with his sworn enemy. Imagine all the pillow talk amazingness that Mr. Jones could just laugh and laugh at all the night long as he discerns weave hair from real. Both of them seem too honorable to even take the low road like that...but recent divorcées tend to throw regard out of the window in order to permanently scar those who wronged them. In other words, it's a match.