Blue Chips 2: Translating Action Bronson

 |  November 4, 2013
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i can't front like i ain't say 'white ghostface' dismissively when i first heard action bronson. first off, that's a great idea, ghostfaces of all colors and weight classes. second, the only way the King Of Opulence could be rendered more intriguing is to tell that tale from the perspective of someone really familiar with fine living: a white dude. bronsolino is probably less white-collar-tennis-club and more turnpikes-gold-bracelets, half a glass of Cabernet on the path train. what makes him an essential listen, though, is his descriptive lifestyle vignettes. the food smells, the sounds screech and the streets howl in his verses. now that he is rich and famous, bronson can succeed where, for years, eminem has failed. he can be the poster boy for white guys who made it and love it. eminem's all 'trailer park meth is the best meth' and 'i'm sorry mama, no i'm not sorry, okay i'm sorry.' i know that rap has a blues, but damn dude that sh*t is sad. for real. i wanna hear about the baby spinach penne with smoked butter sauce, copping the Queensbridge edition Js, and drug dealing gone RIGHT. action bronson hits all those marks without any of the pesky regret along the way. patrick bateman personified and packaged in paul rosenberg's slick power. he hangs out with actors and chefs; he aims a hammer at your dame's bladder; he uses three different type of forks; he beez everywhere. that's access. plus, no one asks him why he's there, so there's no jay z level guilt trip when he gets inside the doors of wealth. no illuminati controversy. just action being action. i need to hear that 'wrist slap at the traffic stop' rap. i wanna hear that 'don't forget to tip the landscapers' rap. with Blue Chips 2, as he deploys his 80s and 90s pop culture references and celebrates his trippy gustatory delights, bronson finds a lane for white male privilege to shine in an entirely new, goofy way. as if the movie Goodfellas had its own mixtape, the following translated lyrics invite us to a world of leverage by force and reckless humor. use the annotations to roam the path carefully.
Silverado My words pronounced just like a camel toe the worst part of wearing a spandex bodysuit, as mimi will attest to, is the unbiased way it hugs every curve. a camel-toe is the pronounced genital bulge that results from a cozy garment choice. bronson's words are like this.
Pepe Lopez I order rabbit like a playmate; Flushing Meadow Park sh*t/barbecues with the Mexicans... at Flushing Meadow Park, in queens, new york, there are barbecue areas where families can set up and grill alongside others. that area of queens, as diverse as any, is also home to a large Central American immigrant community, and, yes, some Mexican folks. action bronson might also be found there, smoking a rack of lamb.
The Don's Cheek 360 on the Sea-Doo in the tux/Called my homey told him meet me down at Lido Beach for lunch; Beige leather to the calf, where my math at?; We moving white like David Spade in the sauna get a jet-ski, bruh. do 360s til you are dizzy. not that hard.
It Concerns Me Knock on my door with balloons and a big check; shoot the back of your knees/Gary Sinise gary sinise is the actor who played the war-vet amputee Lieutenant Dan in the classic movie Forrest Gump. action bronson will not let you forget that historic, heartfelt performance so, every time he shoots the back of your knees? gary sinise.
Practice And smoke budder the color of Jalen Rose; My shorty keep it real/take a sh*t out the car window/hide money in the Nintendo; get locked up in the afternoon/and be out by Night Court; I look like David Justice when I'm floating in the Maxima david justice was one of the coolest baseball players of his day, and he was married to peak halle berry. like, halle berry when halle berry was the synonym for fine among Def Jam comedians. allegedly, justice was a possessive, abusive husband and the two divorced after allegations that his violence had become overwhelming. not as cool, david justice. since then, he has remarried. halle has too. but if action bronson were any of your favorite 90s baseball players in any of your favorite 90s four-door sports car, he would be david justice in the maxima.
Jackson & Travolta Get the bed pan, I'm shittin' on myself/and you're the one who gotta clean it, while I lay there action bronson is making a big, big mess. just don't expect him to clean it up. that's your job.
Through The Eyes Of A G Hand up her ass like a muppet baby...I move the mustard from Russia to Haiti; Aim a hammer at ya dame's bladder, like it ain't matter; Multi-colored money/7 different kinds of cheeses; Don't make me have to slap the fire out ya pop's mouth multi-colored money implies international travel, stops at customs, and currency exchange. 'cheese' is the Rappin-ese word for money, so bam bam is suggesting here that he has both several money types and assorted fromage. in other words, ketchup.
Contemporary Man Just a white man excelling in a black sport/like I'm Pistol Pete; Cabin fortress got the Tex-Mex motif; Two stallions pull the buggy, Clydesdale; Randy Quaid with the turtleneck a white man excelling in a black sport is right. but, pistol pete is from louisiana and has that southern flair and moonshine charm. yelawolf or bubba sparxxx may also have stronger claims to the pistol pete metaphor. action bronson is probably closer to chris mullin, but that's not the easiest name to rhyme about: 'I'm like chris mullin/and sh*t's sullen' ...scribble-scribble-crumple.
Twin Peugots The joint thicker than Pinky's butt/just as stinky pinky is an american adult film performer who often appears in titles and scenes that accentuate her rotund backside. that orotundity is not unlike the thick marijuana cigarettes that bronson rolls.
Man & The Mirror Caddy got the brown hard top just like a crème brûlée; Forest green, Forest Park, Horace Grant, it's me it's not a proper crème brûlée if the firm brown top is missing. that caramelization, in its solidness, reminds one of a Cadillac roof.
Midget Cough Tamarind punch, higher than a javelin jump; chocolate sauce over thin rabbit; I never thought that this could be my life, Russian mistress and Parisian wife; Me and Robert Horry in a foreign whip robert horry is another sports figure of era-level fame. he won seven NBA championships, two with the houston rockets, three with the los angeles lakers and two with the san antonio spurs. of players who have won multiple NBA championships, he is not the strongest talent or even the most storied among them. but, he was around at the right time to win and made big plays for the eventual champs. action bronson and robert horry hanging out is a perfect match. they both appreciate playing their roles well, but not going too far outside of it. unless, of course, it's in the foreign whip. then all bets are off for those two.
It's Me In the porsche and the seats are made of Mastodon; A young Zinedine Zidane at Flushing Meadow Park drinking Hennessy with mom to be clear, he's a young zinedine zidane, who may not be yet tainted by the ills of the world, and therefore, less prone to head-butting his enemies.
Flip Ya Sit A.C. Slater style on ya girl's shoulder most guys would be super-annoyed by any guy doing anything a.c. slater style around his girlfriend. this is mainly because the Saved By The Bell character, with his dimples and zippy one-liners, always seemed poised to steal kelly from zack at a moment's notice. he knew it would get on Preppy's nerves, and that all the real work had been done already. to summarize, around Your Girl, action bronson can't be trusted.
9.24.13 First course was from the Finger Lakes/last course was cinnamon ginger cake; Smoke the budder the same color as The Weeknd the weeknd is slightly lighter than a duane martin, and maybe a hue or two darker than a michael ealy. he's light-skin, but it's kinda 'smokey.' action bronson consumes pure wax THC that is a similar dual tone.
Rolling Thunder She took a bump and started dancing like Elaine Benes; Bought my b*tch a present hope I don't spoil it (what is it, baby?)/face-to-face toilets; I play ball like Billy Hoyle, now I need a Sidney Dean to play this bravo in the Phillipines elaine benes, the female member of seinfeld's foursome, was incredibly funny while also being impossibly awkward. when she revealed her moves at an office dance party, it made television history. the effects of cocaine are dangerous. one potential influence it has on the psyche is inducing paranoia while increasing blood flow from heart to brain. it makes even the calmest fiend...want to dance and shout. bronson can coach you through this, but would prefer not to. lest you start elaine dancing in his presence.
Amadu Diablo Left hand the steering/in the Amadu Diablo; So much drugs, what would a nun say?/And it's Sunday; F*ck, I nutted in like 3 strokes/sh*t, now that's no way to rep the East Coast before trayvon martin, and before oscar grant, and before lots of innocent black men were killed by police in the 2000s, innocent black men were killed by police in the 90s. amadou diallo was gunned down in an incident of fatal profiling. the 24-year-old vendor diallo was falsely identified by four plain-clothed NYPD officers as a suspected serial rapist. when they approached diallo armed, he ran into the vestibule area of a nearby building in fear. the officers then opened fire, unloading 41 shots, 19 of them hitting diallo. the police were not convicted of any crime. it is hard to say what this event has to do with action bronson's driving abilities, but he did mention it.
In The City Bronsolino, smoother than some shea butter he uses shea butter, a natural oil and balm, for his baby hairs.

i can’t front like i ain’t say ‘white ghostface‘ dismissively when i first heard action bronson. first off, that’s a great idea, ghostfaces of all colors and weight classes. second, the only way the King Of Opulence could be rendered more intriguing is to tell that tale from the perspective of someone really familiar with fine living: a white dude.

bronsolino is probably less white-collar-tennis-club and more turnpikes-gold-bracelets, half a glass of Cabernet on the path train. what makes him an essential listen, though, is his descriptive lifestyle vignettes. the food smells, the sounds screech and the streets howl in his verses. now that he is rich and famous, bronson can succeed where, for years, eminem has failed. he can be the poster boy for white guys who made it and love it. eminem’s all ‘trailer park meth is the best meth’ and ‘i’m sorry mama, no i’m not sorry, okay i’m sorry.’ i know that rap has a blues, but damn dude that sh*t is sad. for real.

i wanna hear about the baby spinach penne with smoked butter sauce, copping the Queensbridge edition Js, and drug dealing gone RIGHT. action bronson hits all those marks without any of the pesky regret along the way. patrick bateman personified and packaged in paul rosenberg’s slick power. he hangs out with actors and chefs; he aims a hammer at your dame’s bladder; he uses three different type of forks; he beez everywhere. that’s access. plus, no one asks him why he’s there, so there’s no jay z level guilt trip when he gets inside the doors of wealth. no illuminati controversy. just action being action.

i need to hear that ‘wrist slap at the traffic stop’ rap. i wanna hear that ‘don’t forget to tip the landscapers’ rap. with Blue Chips 2, as he deploys his 80s and 90s pop culture references and celebrates his trippy gustatory delights, bronson finds a lane for white male privilege to shine in an entirely new, goofy way.

as if the movie Goodfellas had its own mixtape, the following translated lyrics invite us to a world of leverage by force and reckless humor. use the annotations to roam the path carefully.

  • Bam Bam

    9-24-13: “Smoke the *budder* same color as The Weeknd.” He’s talking about smoking wax (BHO), which should be a nice light-brown caramel color.

  • Anonymous

    I stand corrected on that one. Will rectify!

  • theDog

    “get a jet-ski, bruh. do 360s til you are dizzy. not that hard.” REALLY?

  • WestWing

    Man, I had a nosebleed following you through.

  • relegated

    DrewBreez… You know I love all your other posts here, but this one sucked. Who cares?

  • bengiea

    Bronsonlino :)