Blue Chips 2: Translating Action Bronson

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i can’t front like i ain’t say ‘white ghostface‘ dismissively when i first heard action bronson. first off, that’s a great idea, ghostfaces of all colors and weight classes. second, the only way the King Of Opulence could be rendered more intriguing is to tell that tale from the perspective of someone really familiar with fine living: a white dude.

bronsolino is probably less white-collar-tennis-club and more turnpikes-gold-bracelets, half a glass of Cabernet on the path train. what makes him an essential listen, though, is his descriptive lifestyle vignettes. the food smells, the sounds screech and the streets howl in his verses. now that he is rich and famous, bronson can succeed where, for years, eminem has failed. he can be the poster boy for white guys who made it and love it. eminem’s all ‘trailer park meth is the best meth’ and ‘i’m sorry mama, no i’m not sorry, okay i’m sorry.’ i know that rap has a blues, but damn dude that sh*t is sad. for real.

i wanna hear about the baby spinach penne with smoked butter sauce, copping the Queensbridge edition Js, and drug dealing gone RIGHT. action bronson hits all those marks without any of the pesky regret along the way. patrick bateman personified and packaged in paul rosenberg’s slick power. he hangs out with actors and chefs; he aims a hammer at your dame’s bladder; he uses three different type of forks; he beez everywhere. that’s access. plus, no one asks him why he’s there, so there’s no jay z level guilt trip when he gets inside the doors of wealth. no illuminati controversy. just action being action.

i need to hear that ‘wrist slap at the traffic stop’ rap. i wanna hear that ‘don’t forget to tip the landscapers’ rap. with Blue Chips 2, as he deploys his 80s and 90s pop culture references and celebrates his trippy gustatory delights, bronson finds a lane for white male privilege to shine in an entirely new, goofy way.

as if the movie Goodfellas had its own mixtape, the following translated lyrics invite us to a world of leverage by force and reckless humor. use the annotations to roam the path carefully.


  1. 9-24-13: “Smoke the *budder* same color as The Weeknd.” He’s talking about smoking wax (BHO), which should be a nice light-brown caramel color.

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